I Ain t Got No Type Until Now

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by Germar DerronOn a recent unpublished podcast I defined and designed my ideal mate People often ask me what s your type I always respond I ain t got no type Truly I believed this I ve dated and even loved fat short tall thin athletes cheerleaders models academics emo nerds blacks whites long hair bald heads dropouts lawyers drug dealers potheads super-saved atheists country city etc etc I was wrong Once I took some time and thought about it I definitely have a type She s out there somewhere and hopefully she s reading Here she is the woman of my dreams–her qualities–in order of importance from least to greatest Nothing s a must but by the end you ll know if I m talking about you 21 Wealth Finances Dollars I don t care We could build together or you can have half of whatever I have 20 Career and Goals nbsp Do what you want it s your life–but do something img border 0 height 111 src https 1 bp blogspot com -tW-tZGipGV4 WMwTaY5loeI AAAAAAAADhA tGvxvwKosugjLzTBqDNSQMGQLKS3Tr2qwCK4B s200 giphy 2B 25284 2529 gif width 200 19 Ta-tas They matter much more to you than they do to me Ironing boards or floppy mountains don t affect my love at all But because I have to choose here I could never complain about 34B to 36C whatever that means 18 Height nbsp I ain t got no type But tall women should wear the more to love crown If you can catch some six-footer s legs back and neck and start kissing them nbsp Settle in It s everything you love about a person but supersized It s like being a kid and playing ball on a six foot hoop and then one day realizing that men play on 10-foot hoops That said I ll stick around 5 6 5 because when she s in five inch stilettos I ll still be taller in our Instagram selfies 17 Hair Long hair don t care short hair don t scare From birth I dreamed of silky long strands And then I had a couple of white girlfriends That hair gets everywhere And it gets sweaty and oily and it s always in the way like in your mouth or nose or caught on your glasses Short dos look better but you can t really get a good grip on them So medium hair with a short hair look is magic 16 Religion Do it or don t Just don t be a dick about it–at all 15 Health I thought about that thing that we think about What if she s in a wheelchair Doesn t matter And I understand anxiety bipolar disorder depression PTSD etc But treatment is a must 14 Age nbsp This is where I blow it every time From 19-23 women look like they ve always looked in my dreams But dem iz babies–adolescents It ll be a couple of years before they figure themselves out Women 30 and up seem to have everything TOO figured out Dating them is like trying to crack an egg when you don t realize that the egg is actually a stone 25-30 is post-college pre-menopause and perfect for me–I think 13 Race Bad ladies is the only thing that I like I love all y all but she probably has to be black No non-black SJW critical race theorist or other minority really understands the African-American experience like an African-American We connect on a level that I still can t express It may be energy or spiritual but it s real And every shade is beautiful but a light milk chocolate is perfect img border 0 src https 4 bp blogspot com -GHW3xU57g0Q WMwYWcufNpI AAAAAAAADhU g1ixlz 2rDgxPjdtnlcTZe0lPNSCb7GJACLcB s1600 JD 2Bperfect jpg J D Achille with a tan has a new stalker ijk img border 0 height 200 src https 2 bp blogspot com -AHchtYmzR k WMwUDIRb-TI AAAAAAAADhM tPRJkd7kJiYg3qptijgZYyr1x11zHHfKgCK4B s200 giphy 2B 25285 2529 gif width 106 12 Booty Ten years ago this would ve been 1 I used to think bigger was better I was wrong Perfection is the lowercase b Look at it Round Straight back If I could stack a p on top of a b oowee I m a butt man 11 Family My family didn t workout too well so yours kinda needs to be Cosby-esque without the off-screen raping I quickly adopt my girl s family Often I end up with women from broken homes It s something we bond over And it s a recipe for disaster 10 Kids I d be a great father if I had kids I m excited to struggle with a couple of mini-mes I ve dated women with children–the issues are obvious I still check out my ex s daughter s social media It s kinda creepy but sad because for two years she was my daughter Clean slates are awesome img border 0 height 320 src https 2 bp blogspot com -dNUxLWvdM94 WMyGnTb TWI AAAAAAAADh0 dOOB49dmThs7i51Qq2f0zfBTBFQoSeygwCLcB s320 mememememe jpg width 161 9 Academic Artist Athlete Techie I m all of these things You should be at least one If you re not we d have nothing in common Keisha I mean hypothetically 8 Intelligence I don t care about IQ But if you re not at least a 120 there ll be a lot of I never thought of it that way and you over analyze and wowwww and you re so smart You ll learn a lot and I ll be thinking sigh but she s so hot though 7 Politics This means leaning left and caring about social issues related to poverty race justice gender and sex The level of fine that fine would have to reach for me to date today s Republican I don t think it exists yet 6 Education You re wrong it is everything The life experience you got while we were in college–we got that too But you can only experience the challenge of higher learning at the institution Furthermore the non-formally educated have not gone through years of high level debate gotten used to having their theories disassembled been peer reviewed or done it all full-time while working two jobs starving and tolerating three terrible roommates It s not better it s just different Whatever you think you know could be improved with just one course at NYU or Duke I probably need a woman who s survived a private school an Ivy or two or three top-tier public programs 5 Background Culture I m southern by birth but my soul is SoCal Most of the west and coasts fit my politics palette and preferences better than the southeast If you think that women belong in the kitchen or I can t listen to rap on Sundays or rain is Jesus s tears or child abuse is child rearing or sugar and fat make a meal or Confederate flags are about anything but racism or seeing the pastor is more important than seeing your children then we can t be friends 4 Weight I like what I like But honestly I m 186lbs and oddly I keep getting older In college I lifted some super cute and very large ladies tossed em right on my soft-side waterbed Today that s probably not happening Before we go out I have to do a lift test Maybe I can bench 200 but I m pretty sure I can bench 130 3 Face While most guys drool over butts and breasts I daydream about eyes and lips Be pretty and the rest of this list disappears It s exactly how she who shall not be named happened Her lips and nose are exactly what I was taught to draw in art classes Yes it s a white standard of beauty and nearly impossible for my ideal mate But fuller big-o lips and a longer wider schnauz work for me too Eyes like almonds a toothy smile defined cheeks chin jaw dimples img alt CD border 0 height 276 src https 2 bp blogspot com -1jwh-i-ZmaA WMxESaX2IfI AAAAAAAADhk JlVdxmYbBUk4xgL9sPmHjkYL6EvukP1fgCLcB s320 chaude jpg title Chanue Donald width 320 Chanue Donald2 Sense of Humor She has to realize that I m the funniest person on the planet That part usually works out It s why I have fifty leven exes She can be funny or not but if she s not laughing at me something is seriously wrong 1 Like Me The main thing I need is someone who likes me like really really likes all of me Maybe that s happened before but they re married to other dudes that they hate Many women have said Germar you re a lot and they re right And it s not necessarily a bad thing I may dance on tables spank some gay dudes start a fight at a game win an award for nonviolence and spontaneously hop on a cross country flight And I ll do it all within three hours It s not a life for everyone Apparently it s not a life for anyone But if it is the life for you get at me img src http feeds feedburner com ff LookToTheCookie d yIl2AUoC8zA border 0 img img src http feeds feedburner com ff LookToTheCookie i vcMyLeliZYQ euB04vEDnTw F7zBnMyn0Lo border 0 img img src http feeds feedburner com ff LookToTheCookie d 7Q72WNTAKBA border 0 img img src http feeds feedburner com ff LookToTheCookie i vcMyLeliZYQ euB04vEDnTw V sGLiPBpWU border 0 img img src http feeds feedburner com ff LookToTheCookie i vcMyLeliZYQ euB04vEDnTw gIN9vFwOqvQ border 0 img img src http feeds feedburner com ff LookToTheCookie d l6gmwiTKsz0 border 0 img img src http feeds feedburner com ff LookToTheCookie d qj6IDK7rITs border 0 img img src http feeds feedburner com ff LookToTheCookie d TzevzKxY174 border 0 img img src http feeds feedburner com ff LookToTheCookie d 63t7Ie-LG7Y border 0 img img src http feeds feedburner com r LookToTheCookie 4 vcMyLeliZYQ height 1 width 1 alt Click here to visit this podcast episode