The Relationship Maze
Let’s talk about you and me - Effective communication in relationships
September 13, 2021
In today's episode we are talking about effective, verbal communication in relationships. While there are many ways of expressing love and care most relationship experts would agree that talking effectively to each other is crucial in any form of relationship. We discuss how to set the scene for effective communication, how not to communicate and what you will need to address when communicating effectively. Learning to listen to your partner and expressing what you are experiencing are the key blocks of any form of communication.
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We are always communicating with our partner - be it through words or gestures. Even when we are purposefully not communicating, we are sending a message across that we are frustrated, angry, punishing etc.
Talking to your partner is important. It's not the only way of building a good relationship; doing things together that you enjoy are also important. There are many ways of staying connected. In this episode our focus is on verbal communication.

How to communicate
Make time for each other to listen and express regularly. Establish clear rules for talking to each other if there is conflict. 
If there is a difficulty you want to address make sure that 

How not to communicate
Avoid the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse - attitudes and behaviours that research of the John Gottman Institute found particularly undermining in relationships:

Criticism - attacking your partner regularly. Not critiquing or expressing your frustration but having a go with at your partner with all round attacks such as 'why are you always so...', 'you're the type of person..., 'you never...'

Contempt - putting your partner down and being mean with the intention to insult and hurt. Feeling morally superior. This is the single most predictor of relationships heading for separation.

Defensiveness - usually happens in response to criticism. Seeing yourself as the victim who is under attack. Denying any form of responsibility.

Stonewalling - often in response to contempt. Withdrawing completely from the conversation by changing the subject, being monosyllabic or leaving the room.

What to talk about
 In order to understand where your partner is coming from or indeed gaining insight into your own ways of feeling and thinking, having a conversation with your partner helps to address

Remember that communication is always about connection. Even when you argue you do so because you are seeking connection.
 
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