Sep 20, 2019

TURNING THE TABLES

If you listened to the last episode of the podcast, you know that I shared some things that parents wished their kids’ middle school teachers knew. And I promised that this week I’d be turning the tables – which is exactly what’s happening today – I’m talking about 7 secrets middle school teachers wish parents knew.

MIDDLE SCHOOL TEACHERS BY THE NUMBERS

Once your kids are out of elementary school, Parent/Teacher relationships can often seem confrontational. But they absolutely do not have to be.

And with the statistics showing that 1 million teachers left the profession in 2018 alone - a recent Gallup poll shows that almost half of the teachers in the U.S. say they are actively looking for a different job now or watching for opportunities - I don’t know about you, but I want to do everything I can to encourage the people who are invested in pouring into the lives my hormone-infused lovelies.

These two episodes are all about engaging and working to understand the person on the other side of the desk from you. Because the more aligned you are, the better it is for your child or student. So scoot a little closer and listen up. It’s time to lean in.

Here we go.

MIDDLE SCHOOL TEACHERS WISH PARENTS KNEW . . .

1. They are professional jugglers.

Along with actual teaching – classroom instruction, assessment, behavior management – teachers are also responsible for

1. attending meetings [Think everything from whole staff meetings, to subject area department meetings, parent conferences, special need accommodation meetings, committee meetings for initiatives like character education, professional development meetings, and staff teambuilding meetings
2. prepping – lesson plans, materials for class
3. nurturing relationships with students – remembering/recording info, asking questions, listening
4. documenting parent, student, admin interactions
5. communicating - with other teachers about students, with parents, with administration, with counselors, with the librarian, with the tech specialist

2. They LOVE your children. No, seriously. LOVE them.

Okay, all my middle school teachers in the house – put you hands up if you’ve ever heard something along the lines of  “OMG, bless you – I could NEVER teach that age group” or “How can you STAND it?” Sound familiar?

Middle school teachers may laugh at the “You must be crazy to teach this age group” comments that they hear as soon as they mention what they do for a living, but deep down, they’re thinking, “If you only knew how great these kids are.” And they mean it!

Even when they’re ready to pull their hair out, most middle school teachers came into their classrooms with a passion for kids are this age, going through all the significant development that happens between 12 and 14.

3. They want to impact your child’s life in significant, positive ways – both academically and developmentally.

Remember Richard Dreyfuss as Mr. Holland in Mr. Holland’s Opus? Yeah, that’s pretty much every teacher’s dream – to create such an impact that students from decades ago remember the difference you made in their lives.

Middle school teachers know that they’re seeing the beginning of the journey for these kids, and the possibilities are limitless. That they are part of building knowledge and character and life skills into these personalities at a pivotal time, when kids are starting to experiment and figure out who they are – and who they’re not.

4. The messaging they get from the school district about parents is often, well, kind of disconcerting.

In many cases, the training teaches receive has a litigious flavor – and this is legitimate, because we live in a time when lawsuits are rampant, and educators are often presumed guilty until proven innocent.

For newer teachers, especially ones without kids, at best it can make parents seem scary, and to be avoided. At worst, it can cultivate an attitude of cynicism and disdain. It takes a lot of gumption, again, especially for newer teachers, to keep an open door policy and invite parents into a healthy relationship.

Plus, the thought of adding another task to their to-do list can be soooo overwhelming – because you’re one of 150 sets of parents. Do the math there – communicating with that many people individually isn’t feasible when you look at a teacher’s list of daily responsibilities. And if it is, the ones they want to do that with are their actual students. Which leads me to the next point, which is:

5. They yearn to know all their students as individuals.

And lots of times they feel inadequate to the task. Especially when they miss something. (Share story from last week’s email.) Parents, this is a hard one. 150 students is a lot. And unfortunately, we are going to miss things. Please have grace when it’s you’re child we’ve missed, and work with us to bring us up to speed.

6. They want to be a team

Teachers know that parent involvement is a key factor in student success. They know, just like you do, that there’s accountability when there’s good communication between school and home.  Again, with the number of students they have, it’s easier than we wish it was for something to fall through the cracks. Rather than assuming that your child’s teachers will “figure it out” or that something isn’t that important, staying in touch with teachers and counselors is the best way to assure that your child is fully supported in all their environments.

7. They appreciate being seen.

It’s easy for middle school teachers to feel either invisible or attacked. Mostly, because as the saying goes, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. When all you hear is negative feedback, it’s easy to get discouraged.

Now, it’s been several years since I’ve been in the classroom, but I will share that each year, I got many thoughtful gifts – Christmas ornaments, gift cards, jewelry. You know what I go back to to this day? The notes that parents and students wrote me. Seriously. They STILL give me warm fuzzies.

SO WHAT?

As a parent of a middle schooler, you might be asking, “yeah, but what does this mean for me?”

Glad you asked!

Here are some practical ideas for how to engage with your child’s teachers in a supportive way:

1. Be respectful of their time. What does this look like? Giving at least 24 hours for responses to emails; scheduling times to conference by phone or in person.
2. Listen carefully to what your kids share about their teachers – and add a dollop of grace. Because your kids also talk about you in their classrooms. And, as I used to say on Meet the Teacher nights, sometimes the best strategy is “I’ll believe half of what I hear about you, if you’ll believe half of what you hear about me.” Of course, I say that tongue in cheek, but given that it’s developmentally appropriate for middle schoolers to be a tad dramatic and self-focused, it’s actually a good rule of thumb.
3. Offer to help teachers with mundane clerical tasks like making copies, decorating bulletin boards, or organizing classroom supplies. Figure out the best way to do this, whether it’s volunteering through the PTA or communicating directly with individual teachers.
4. Attend meet the teacher/curriculum night and introduce yourself to your child’s teachers. If teachers ask you to fill out any “tell me about your child” forms, be sure to fill them out, and thank them for trying to get to know their students more personally. Let teachers know when there’s been a significant life change or issue that might affect your child in the classroom.
5. Assume the best about the teacher you kid complains about. Ask good questions like, “Help me understand what led up to that incident,” or “How much time did you have for that assignment?” or “What kind of resources did the teacher provide for this?” Affirm your child’s feelings, and go deeper to figure out the facts.
6. Support your child’s middle school teachers with encouraging notes and emails. Often, it can feel like the only messages middle school teachers get from parents are ones of concern, complaint, or criticism. [Story about Jessica Hainey’s mom in team meeting] Take an extra minute to send your child’s middle school teacher a note that expresses appreciation or shares how much your child is learning or what they’re enjoying in the class. I’ve included a Swipe File of notes to teachers in my show notes, templates that you can personalize and use to send to your kids’ teachers.

Parents. Middle school teachers are often just as wary of you as you are of them – and often, hearing from a parent signals confrontation. By supporting your children’s middle school teachers, you’ll go a long way in creating the best learning environment for your students. Because I guarantee you, when a parent gets involved, students are place right in the middle of a teachers’ radar, which is a good thing.

Working with teachers to support them, keeping an open line of communication between school and home, and assuming the best about teachers, first, all go a long way in cultivating a positive teacher-parent relationship and a supportive learning environment for your child.