Oct 11, 2019

THE CHALLENGE TO LIVE LOVE

It’s easy to feel swallowed up by the despair, depression, and grit of this broken world we live in. The lack of humanity we witness, the level of disconnect we see among different groups in our nation, the large scale devastation caused by natural disasters that seem to pop up with alarming regularity – it can feel like a never-ending tidal wave hopeless, loveless, relentless negativity. And it’s easy to forget the good that triumphs – often.

The difference is that the negative stuff seems to darken the world on a large scale, while the positive stuff appears as tiny pinpricks of brightness, flickering like fireflies on a summer night.

The challenge is in teaching our teens that it’s the brightness that matters, that adopting values that reflect love, justice, and is worth standing up for, living in, and fighting for when necessary.

And it’s our job as parents and teachers to help them understand that it’s going to be HARD, and sometimes very uncomfortable – but hard doesn’t mean bad, and discomfort is the currency of change.

Living love out this way is HARD – even for adults (and by adults, I mean me.)

Brene Brown's article "Doubling Down on Love" concludes with a great list of action items - and in her beautiful way, she directs them at herself. I have a list too – one that I started using “YOU” instead of I & me. But I think that’s one of the insidious ways that lovelessness infiltrates – when I’m holding up a to-do list of solutions to “everyone out there” instead of up to a mirror.

HOW I WANT TO LIVE LOVE

So, here’s my personal list of things I want to implement – a list I tried my hardest to filter through unselfish love and through my role as an influencer of the teens in my life:

1. Recognize my own cynicism, and use the Thought Model to combat it with loving thoughts that reflect my values
2. Model being “unrealistic” (re: idealistic) in my passion for justice and equality in ways that align my values and my actions.
3. Hone my critical thinking skills and expand that learning to my teens – adopt the motto: Curious Skepticism.
4. Bring it back down to an individual level – rarely is change affected in a widespread sweeping fashion. It starts across a cup of coffee, talking over a dinner table or conference table, or in the quiet moments of time spent with my people. Small beginnings are not to be despised, and an “all or nothing” philosophy leads to nothing more often than not. Tiny changes are better than none.
5. See things from a different perspective – dig into real numbers from reliable sources and research.
6. Walk courageously – this means getting face to face with people and engaging in conversations (not confrontations) that might be uncomfortable. This needs to come from a place of love and curiosity, NOT self-righteousness, and needs to involve lots of gentle questions that start with things like, “Help me understand . . . “ and “What is it that’s keeping you from . . .” and “I hear what you’re saying and I’m curious about . . .”
7. Point out the positive: Remember those small pinpricks of light? I LOVE to point those out to my teens. Whether it’s listening to the Christmas wishes that are fulfilled on our local radio station during the holidays, or hearing a celebrity like Ellen holding up a light when making a statement as she did recently: "When I say, 'Be kind to one another,' I don't mean only the people that think the same way that you do. I mean be kind to everyone. Doesn't matter." Or watching a grieving man embrace his brother’s killer in forgiveness like Brandt Jean did with Amber Guyger – I want my teens to recognize that you might have to look harder to find the light, but it’s always there.
8. Remind my teens – often – that they have a purpose and unique gifts to help them fulfill it. Help them figure out what those are and teach them to be relentless in equipping themselves in what they need to accomplish that purpose.

Recently, my friend Tami was explaining the idea that as educators and parents, we are the external emotional regulators for our kids. That’s a fancy way of saying we model appropriate ways to manage our emotions. It’s a necessary part of every child’s development, and it’s a process.

I would contend that part of that process is modeling and specifically teaching the idea that love is the ultimate filter to use when managing our emotions. When we can view everything through the lens of a pure, selfless, unconditional love, that is WORLD CHANGING.

THE CHALLENGE TO LIVE LOVE

That’s the challenge I’m taking on, and I’m inviting you along with me. I know it’s going to be imperfect, messy, and tough, but I also know that discomfort is the currency of change. And if I want my teens to be willing to step into the fray, I have to be first in line, leading them there.

To find the resources referenced in this episode, go to theishgirl.com/ep61.