25 | How To Remember Forgotten Memories and Improve Your Brain Health
Season 2: Let’s Talk About Life with Harrison King
The Mind and Memory
With Host Harrison King
Listen On:
Memories
It’s easy to forget things, but there are ways to start to train yourself to improve your memory! Today in episode 25 of the Let's Talk About Life podcast we dive into everything about memory: how we make memories, how to improve your memory, and even remembering old memories that you may have forgotten existed. We also talk about the key foods and nutrients that can be used to promote brain health!
Topics discussed in this episode:
How We Make Memories
Why We Forget
How to Remember Old Memories
Memory cues
How to Improve our Memories
Focus
Exercise
Nutrition
Links Mentioned:
LTAL Website: www.harrisonkingofficial.com/podcast
NaturoBlocks Glasses: naturoacademy.com
Transcript:
We can step fully into who we are and start to assure ourselves that you know I'm okay to where I am and if I'm working someplace that is not going to allow me to be that maybe it's time for me to look for something that's a better fit for me it was the last time you had a deep meaningful conversation with somebody it's been a while don't worry you're in the right place on cast is designed to open your mind to new perspectives and topics in the realms of health personal growth and well life welcome to the let's talk about life podcast what's up everybody welcome back to the let's talk about life podcast my name's Harrison came and I'm so grateful for you tuning in here today this is gonna be a great episode I'm very excited for you to hear this one I think I say that a lot but it's because these these episodes are just so great and I'm so happy that you're choosing to listen to them I mean this is your choice you putting your personal growth and learning and health and well being and all that stuff you know you're you're making it a priority and that's really important something I value and obviously something you value such as thank you I can't for being here today the last thing I will say is that I got these glasses on and if you haven't listened to the recent episode let's show you won't know what they are but these are not my natural blocks blue blocking glasses and here because you wanna eat take Kerry health obviously and your well being definitely get yourself a parity it's going to help you improve your sleep headaches and stuff when you're on your screens get rid of that blue light all kinds all kinds of stuff so head on over to natural academy dot com that's right N. A. T. U. R. O. academy dot com and you can choose some of these glasses the natural blocks and when you check out to help ya guys you can use the code Harrison ten when you check out you get ten percent off and I I highly recommend get these these are the best blue blocking blocking glasses blue light blocking glasses there is in Canada so even if not from Canada if we want to get on there great quality now this episode is going to be phenomenal you're gonna love it I chatted with Terry McDougal hi Terry Boyle McDougal as an executive and career coach and CEO of Terry B. McDougal coaching so she's a coach he's working with executives and stuff like that she helps high achieving professionals remove obstacles that keep them in stock so they can enjoy more success and satisfaction in their lives and careers of course we want that you know she's helping people and she's definitely got a lot of great things to say before she was a coach though before he became a coach to the longtime corporate marketing executive where she led teams develop strategies and advise senior leaders to drive business results so she's done it she's lived it and now she's helping other people kind of approach it in a better way and and and just really fall into their potential right she also has a book she's the author of winning the game of work career happiness and success on your own terms and if you want to live in another podcast and after you listen to this episode needle I love the Sagan I had a head on over to the marketing of mumble podcast and she hopes that so that's a little bit of a Terry this conversation is phenomenal she's such a different thing than what we normally do not really super different I guess but it's a little bit it's a little bit different I guess because we're talking about more career things and stuff I'm very touched on and that's why I want to touch on it because we're talking about life everything right absolutely anything is is possible chat about on this podcast so that's enough of me rambling thanks for listening to this and for listening and let's dive right into my chat with Terry do Terry thank you so much for being here today I'm excited about this talk is going to be is definitely something a little different and we chat about before on the show and yeah thanks so much for being here and before we start I would love to hear about you your story you've had more than thirty years of kind of corporate business experience fifteen work senior management roles which is nominal and you decided to kind of dictate change change things up to switch it up a little bit and now you're doing a lot of coaching and and focusing on helping people in those positions and I would love to hear what made that switch and and kind of how do you get to where you are today how do I get there well how much time do you have here is it well as I should mention I am an executive and career coach and I have written a book called winning the game of work and before I switched over to become a full time coach in two thousand seventeen I did have a thirty year career in marketing and you know how to live by myself there that's a good question I see just kind of fell into it in the beginning I got some advice to get this book called work what color is your parachute and do the exercises in it and die back kind of let me in the direction of marketing and my first job was at a publishing company and then I just you know I was in the ambitions sort of girl and I just kept wanting to move up so I was reading books in observing and trying to figure out what do I need to do to keep moving up in my career and quite frankly a lot of times I could not figure it out I I felt like I was doing the right things and I wasn't really getting the progress that that I wanted dad did we need to go back to business school when I was in my twenties and that definitely helped put me on a different trajectory and it led me to working in financial services and marketing arena I was lucky along the way to have a couple of really good mentors one in particular that I described that what he did was it was really like pulling back the curtain on what was really going on around me and you know so that really helps me to sort of figure out how to navigate within the corporate world but in my last role at my last company I was there for twelve years and I had four different jobs in that time and I was just telling you before we hit record that it it's a Canadian company and here I work here in the U. S. just over the course of the time that I worked there they really started sort of pulling more incision making up into Canada and so as I looked around I didn't see as many opportunities for advancement here in the U. S. and I thought like I pretty much done what I wanted to do it with that company for the twelve years that led me to start thinking about what what's next for me and I suppose I went back to the beginning that advice that my boyfriend's mom gave me at the beginning of my career which was you know what are you good at and what do you like to do and when I will when I really thought about that and thought about you know even my my a job as a marketer what was always really important to me why is helping people you know what even though I was developing marketing to help the company it was really important for me to feel like I was helping that individual you know so the head of the business or or somebody in sales helping them to be more successful and then I also had always done a lot of coaching and mentoring of my staff and I gotten feedback that people appreciated that that it was making a difference in their careers my employee engagement scores were high relative to the company average or even with a marketing so you know I I thought well maybe not that's kind of the direction I should go in and I discovered the star coach training program that I went through when I got certified and died I didn't initially think that I was gonna do it full time I got all just get another job and I'll do this on the side but I decided why not what's a better time than now to you know really make a big ticket you do something different and I'm four years later and I'm loving it that's wonderful and I like to hear just from anybody that you focusing on that you know what what makes you happy what you want to do and and making that if I mean we spend so much time working in a list of might as well do some you love right I want to really get into kind of the balance between success and achievements in outside of the the corporate world or whatever kind of work and balancing that with like you said being happy and and our personal lives and and nothing because it's something I struggle with I think a lot of people struggle with before we get into that I wanna I wanna hear how do we kind of determine what success is for us personally because it's obviously a different thing for everybody and how do you kind of help people figure out what success is to them yeah that's a great question and I think it really begins with getting clear on what your values are and that that can really be a guide to developing a road map to getting to a place where you're going to be happy with what you're doing with your time and energy every day and it can be very easy to fall prey to what we feel like society is telling us about you know that quote unquote six sass right we see a lot of the external trappings of success on television and you know people driving fancy cars or instagramming their vacation in Maui you know and and we can get really sucked into this idea that success is about money it's about you know your house or your car or what kind of clothing you wear and you know that that can really end up being very hollow if you follow it not you know your your values are are not aligned with that and there are a lot of other aspects to life that we should probably take into consideration you know like how do you what do you like to do you know what are the things that get you excited you know and and is whatever you're doing for a living in a building you to live in that way do you have enough time to spend with your family if you've got a family and that's important to you now are if you're creative do you have time to create yeah yeah focusing on those those things you really value in seeing first of all analyzing your life situation and say where my putting that time in my and my putting my time into those things I value if I'm not how can I change it now it can become hard for people when they're stuck in a let's see a nine to five job and maybe they don't it's not really lining up with their values how do you start to incorporate that in if you can't just go abandoning this I'm gonna be a full time painter right chance not really hi yeah yeah yeah how do we cannot and and incorporated yeah and that you know in the funny thing is is that six asking you know the outer trappings of success and and competing and all that that's important to me I mean that's just sort of part of who I am and so when I talk about what I do it really is about expanding the overlap between professional success and personal happiness I mean I'm not going to say to somebody unless they really want to do this not gonna stay you know sell all of your earthly possessions and go on you know some kind of track to India to find yourself I'm not I'm not gonna say that you know it if you want to do that that's great but I'm not I don't encourage anybody to do anything in particular what I encourage them to do is get clear on what their own values are and there are a lot of the values assessments out there you could probably go Google one right now and get some clarity on what's really important to you I have some that I use in my and my practice and it helps to sort of create a lens through which people can look at their lives because a lot of times I see that people say well you know professional advancement it's a high value for me I really want to do that and at the same time they're saying that time with family or time in nature is really important to them and if they're working eighty hours a week that means that you know one of those values is is trumping another value and so it's it's just about awareness and it's about choices when it you know it's very easy to get kind of sucked into what we think is expected of us out work and that's also something that'll work with people on is is to realize like what power do they have in their role a lot of times people feel like why I have no power you know I can but we actually do we we are able to set boundaries and it might not you know be coming in and you know putting our foot down on day one but it can be saying like I need to leave early today to go to my kids sports game you know it can be making a decision that you're not going to check your email on the weekends you know sometimes and and we may state or sold like I can't do that the reality is that we are always a choice I'm not saying that there's not going to be some consequences but we can choose to live with those consequences and it might be like okay you're going to get you know a one and a half percent raise next year instead of a two percent raise but maybe that half percent it's going to be worth it for you to feel a little bit more easier to feel like you've got your weekends to yourselves yeah and and what I'm hearing is it's it's about prioritizing our values but trying to make them even across the board a little bit are finding at least the ones you know the you want to put time and energy into because like you're saying if it's like you really value work for you working eighty hours a week and you also value family time I mean you're not they're not on the same level and is trying to make make that shift I really like what you said about us having choices because I think it's really easy to feel like in any position if you're not a you know business owner or something where you're that person in charge which is majority of the population when when you're when you're not it's hard to feel like you have control over what you're doing somebody's telling you what to do or you have somebody do it you know you're reporting to but we have the ability and we we are in control of our minds and and creating even those mental boundaries and what are some great ways that that you found that we can start to do that because it's hard would be because of our society things and we've been trained to feel like this person tells you what to do I got to follow it but we we have to have our own confidence to go this is at least now we can start to do it how do we how do you start to do it is the question I guess well the first thing is just becoming aware that you do have choices and there is a moment between you know a stimulus and action and in that moment is the moment where change can happen because this is the moment when we're thinking something and and stealing something that's causing us to take action and when we like take a moment and say what's going on in that moment you know because a lot of times actions might not be possible right it could be that you know your your boss comes by and says something and it you know irritates you and it causes you to actually you know resist the direction like you have to look and say look what my believing in this moment am I saying to myself that he doesn't appreciate near she doesn't appreciate me are are we saying to ourselves I have no choice I can't do anything about this are we saying maybe what I'm believing is not actually true like a lot of times more read into things people say to us like a boss comes by and says Hey can you get me this report we might think that they mean they want that report right now and so then we get mad and more like a you know this is this is upsetting the apple cart I had all these other things I was gonna do this afternoon when in reality at that moment you could say well Hey boss when do you need to report back right and it's giving you they might say oh I just need it by Monday okay great then I can continue with this and I'll just put that on my to do list to make sure I finish it you know before next week and I think it's a lot of times those feelings of not having control and not our own perception of the situation it's not the actual situation impacting our you might have heard people say that perception is reality it is a hundred percent because there is no objective reality you know it's just all of our own reality sort of like moving around in this environment and popping up against other people and responding to the things that they're doing and reading into what we think is going on there and and oftentimes yeah the reason why we might have a conflict or misunderstanding is because we don't understand what their reality is and we don't ask we just assume yeah so it really comes down to first of all just open communication asking questions I mean people in those positions specifically what we're talking about are there to help you right I mean they're they're there to assist you in and they want to answer your questions they want help out so sometimes it's not mine what we're hoping I guess yeah yeah yeah yeah you hope you hope I mean and and that's that's part of you know one of the things that I see a lot with people that I work with because I I'm usually working with people that are pretty driven and high achieving that if they run into an obstacle their first instinct is to go through that obstacle to work harder to to go faster to try to do more and then they get exhausted and frustrated because they're not making progress and what I encourage people to do is that if you run into an obstacle several times and you can't figure out how to get past it don't keep doing the same thing step back and start thinking about like okay what doctors involved in the situation might be different than what I'm thinking they are like maybe the boss doesn't need the report right away maybe I don't need to do this you know maybe there's another way around this maybe I can get somebody to help me maybe I can ask some questions Bob maybe I don't need to do this at all right yeah I I that's one of the things I see a lot with people that they get really stressed out because they'll tell themselves I have to finish everything on my to do list and all my gosh there's not not enough time today and you know one of my one of the observations that I've made is that work well completely consume your life if you let like you can find something to do to work twenty four seven and three hundred sixty five days a year you can find something to do so just think of it this way like if you decide that I'm only going to work forty or forty five hours a week or whatever you decide what are the highest value things that you should be investing your time and energy and and then if there are things that you don't fall into that amount of time that you decided to dedicate to the US how else can they be achieved or do they even need to be achieved right you know maybe you're working you're like oh I got you know that kitchen the kitchen cupboards in the break room really amounts so yep if that's not your house you don't necessarily need an a but I've seen people that are like oh my gosh I have to clean out the refrigerator at work on my really maybe you could come up with a different way of doing that you know yeah and it really comes back to like you said prioritizing things you value even within your own work or what what needs to be valued I guess is the thing is if you work a lot with over achievers which I think is very common in this realm I would put myself in that category so I'd like to hear based on your experience to be doing this for a while what are some of the common things you see that are that are just common amongst over achievers and and kind of I want to see mistakes because that's not a great word but things that we're doing maybe the mindset you know little things that need to be shifted or whatever that would help just with overall happiness success everything I'm sure you there's there's things that are happening everybody but I'd like to talk about that a little bit of a great yeah yeah I mean one of the common things that I see is that when an over achiever gets promoted they don't mentally promote themselves a lot of times meaning that you know they say okay well I was successful at this level so I'm just gonna keep doing that thing that I was doing at this level even though I've been promoted to this higher level role and I think that that shows a blind spot in terms of them not seeing things from a new perspective and recognizing that they have access to more resources at this higher level and that in order to you know fully inhabit that role that they've got to use the got to become aware of and use the resources that are at their disposal and the reason why people are given higher levels is because you know somebody believes that if they're entrusted with resources that they're going to get the highest return on those resources including themselves and that's a huge mistake that I see making which is that you know they'll say to themselves like well I'm not above you know kind of using that prior situation like I'm not about you know cleaning out the refrigerator in the break room and I'm like well actually if you're doing not during work time you are right because you're being paid a higher level to do higher level work and you know for the company to get the most return on the investment for you you should be doing higher level work you should be looking how do I leverage all of the resources around me how do I come up with the vision for the next product or how we make the next big sale you know how do I train the people under me so that they stepped fully into their potential and that there were getting more of a return on that investment for what they're doing you know so it's a lot of like systems in training and communicating so everybody is marching in the same direction and a lot of times people are like what don't keep doing their old job and and they'll say you know when I'm working with somebody else they will want you delegate that well you know it's just quicker for me to do it and I'm like listen even if I just give you an example like it so if you're making twice as much as a junior person on your team which is not uncommon at all and you know somebody said a senior leader level or you know middle management level if they'd given that assignment to somebody on their team and it takes a person on the team twice as long to do it you haven't lost anything right but if you do it yourself there's an opportunity cost there because that means that you're not working on a higher level activity that nobody else can do you know if there's something somebody else can do give them the opportunity to get up to speed on it don't just say Hey I can just do it faster so I'll just do it myself yeah there's a cost to that in recent why do you think we can a lot of people don't let themselves move on what's the reasoning behind that well I think that when when we've when we achieve the level of mastery at something it feels good to be a master of something and it feels awkward to be learning new things that were not good at right and so sometimes will go back to those things that it's almost like a security blanket no way like oh well you know I'm really good at the spreadsheet right and I feel good whenever I get spreadsheet right your job is not to do that anymore right and so we can feel uncomfortable when you're you're moving into this new arena that you've never done before it's scary and honestly this is why people hire coaches is because you know it can be helpful to have somebody in the corner with you to help help see the things that maybe you don't see I want to talk a little bit about drawing the line kind of touched on it but drawing the line between the business world and our personal world personal lives specifically when when you meet somebody and you ask them like about about their he what do you do right it's the first thing we asked we we identify ourselves in our society but by art work which if that is if you're truly doing work that is like what you want to be doing that's okay but if you're working at a job in your like your your separate person how do we find that first of all is that healthy which I think you know the answer to and second of all where is the separation how do you make the separation when that's just how how life what a good life is where is the line how do you start to make a line well I I think it's it's interesting that you say that that's how life is that's how life is if you choose for your life to be like that I mean I've been it you know cocktail parties whatever where you know I will ask somebody like what do you do and they say you know I like to you know to you know car rally racing you know like that they choose to define themselves in a different way like they might be a lawyer but there this is what they how they choose to define themselves and I you know I guess I would also say that it depends on context right if you are at a work event or networking abandon your there to meet people in your industry and then it probably makes sense to define yourself by your professional identity but you know I I think that part of the reason why a lot of times people cling to that professional identities because they focus so much time and energy on it at the expense of doing things in their personal life and and a lot of times that's because we've given ourselves this message that that we have to do that and you know there's something that I want to touch on it I came across some some research when I was writing my book by this guy named Tom delong and he is a he teaches at Harvard Business School and she studied over achievers obviously working at harbor I'm sure he sees plenty of I'm coming through but he says he believes that over achievers are addicted to external validation and when I came across that I was like a light bulb went off because I had I think intuitively recognize this and even I myself have been like why is so much my focus going over here and then I thought back R. I mean over my life but I see it as a pattern with a lot of people that I work with that they were going to school right and so you if you look back and you think like even in elementary school if you're getting gold gold stars and you know aids and all of that on your papers that's reinforcing that behavior right you're like okay well I guess I'll stay and do my homework tonight instead of doing something else because you know that you're going to get rewarded for that and it becomes a habit was highly achieving people that delta delay gratification and that's not a natural thing for us humans like where babies you know if we want something we're gonna cry for it right until we get it and even as young children we don't want to come in and eat dinner we're having out we're having fun outside playing you know we're like no I don't want to come in I'm having fun I'm in the moment right but we we learn to delay gratification and then not just becomes a habit and it gets reinforced straight if you get into a good university because you had good grades and you get good grades and then you get a good job and then you get in the job that you're working on the weekends or you're staying late or whatever you're getting rewarded for it right but there is a point at which you can step back and say could I get the same impact or or you know close to the same impact by investing alas are there different ways that I could get you know the same or even maybe even better results by doing things differently and I do think again that that requires stepping back in in my book I talk about looking for leverage points right and not and this is a little bit of an analogy that I use is that somebody who you know doesn't promote themselves to the next level that's like a brick Mason that decides that they're going to go pick up the bricks one by one and bring it to the job site right it gets the job done it's not a very efficient way to do it verses taken the wheelbarrow over and loading it up with bricks and then carrying it out that's I mean will there is a lever and that's what you need to do is like look for where are the places that I can do more with less could be building systems it could be negotiating with another department in your company to have a a cleaner exchange of information or reports were developing more about process right and and it not require stepping back so that you can see the bigger picture and die you know these are the things that we can do to now maybe make things easier on ourselves yes we have more time for sure I find it interesting you talk about kind of this education system specifically because I thought about this specially recently and and how I mean the way I don't see normal but you know we've kind of been conditioned to go you go to school you know you go to university you get a job blah blah blah right it's all laid out for us but we're so used to having that reward system I think that people are lacking I would say myself included sometimes that intrinsic motivation for your own reward like why do you want to do it you know we've been instilled that somebody you have to do it because first of all you've been told to you need to do it and do the best you can because this other person wants you to and and I think yeah and that yeah I think the flip side of that honestly is that that sometimes were motivated by fear right that we we fear like and I mean I've seen and I can remember in college you know this one girl that was in my sorority and she had been so successful throughout her whole life you know straight a student you know honor society everything she was the president of the sorority and she took the entrance exam for law school and she didn't do well and she had a nervous breakdown you know because I think that her image for her identity was so tied up in being a high achiever that when she didn't but she she didn't she I really think it shook her true identity but who am I am if I'm if I'm not gonna go to a top law school it's it's very it's very very interesting but you know what I'm talking about the external validation it's important for us to get back in touch with their own inner wisdom and what is interesting and exciting to us as human beings yeah I I really believe that you know we become you know we trade off some of that identity for the rewards subs of the business world right now we're saying okay I'm gonna come in and I'm gonna step into this box which is the job description it doesn't it doesn't fully encompass who I am as a person and quite often I know people feel like they're happy to you know be that square peg in a round hole meaning that they have to shave off part of who they are to it in and you know there's a lot more to us and we can we can step fully into who we are and start to assure ourselves that you know I'm okay the way I am and if I'm working someplace that is not going to allow me to be that maybe it's time for me to look for something that's a better fit for me and I I do think that it starts with you know farming yourself yeah we we're all here for a reason you know I I just and and a lot of times I see that when people are not happy at work they start to think that there's something wrong with them and a lot of times it could be a couple things it could be that the way that they're showing up isn't empowering them to be more productive so they could learn different ways of showing not but but I mean I'm not going to sugar coat it and say that there aren't toxic work environments there are there absolutely are in a lot of times when I'm working with people that's that's one of the first things that we have to determine is you know if you're not feeling like things are right here like what's at the heart of the issue you know what is it that it's a good company but you're not the right role is it that you're in the right role but you need to develop some skills for you to be more effective in your role or is it just not a good situation and no matter what you do nothing's gonna change you know if that's the case and then you probably do need to start thinking about what your exit strategy yeah and and I think that can be related to feeling like you can't leave something is related to were talking with that over achieving kind of the mindset it's like well if I leave I'm failing right I'm giving up and that the failing thing is interesting to me when we talk about like this because if you really think about it if you're an over achiever you should be excited to fail almost because that's what you're going to learn and get so much better yeah yeah but we don't see it that way right well I mean I think that you know when you're talking about the education system you know I I think that it it has caused some unintended consequences right because it's it's really because people sort of white yes it feel like they have to step into a box rather than recognizing that you know there there's a lot more to them and there's a lot of other things that they could be doing besides just being in that box I was thinking there was something else I wanted to say I kind of lost my train of thought but there's so much that I could talk about this topic all day long I know one thing I wanted to say was that sometimes when people come to me that I'll say like you know what is it that you want in Austin also I don't know what I want you know I feel I feel like I just don't feel right here and I don't know what I want but then a lot of times I'll say why do you want this but I can't have it because of that right like I really want to quit my job but I can't do that because you know all end up on the street right and I always say to people like separate those two things if you even have an inkling that you know what you want allow that thought to live without trying to kill it you know like say okay it sometimes it'll say like we want to do this not too old to go back to school or have to go back to school to do this or whatever and I'm like listen if you want to do that let it live Mike nurture it you don't have to do it right now but don't tell yourself all these reasons why you can't do it is separate from what you want is how you're going to get there these are separate they're not the same thing and sometimes if you allow that to live in you start really thinking like what was possible like what are some ways I could do that could I talk to that might not who's doing that right because there are lots of people out there doing the thing that you would like to do and you know I I'll tell people like if you think you want to do that find somebody who's doing it and talk to them just asking like how did you get started what do you like about it water you know what are things that you didn't know that you wish you knew before you got started what advice would you have for somebody that wants to get started doing that it doesn't mean you have to wake up and quit your job the first moment that you get a little brat to that desire sometimes allowing not desire to live will allow you to tolerate the situation that you're in a little bit longer because you'll feel like there's hope there's a possibility yeah I never sent I was just gonna say it's so interesting to me that exactly what you said there was something we talked about on the previous episode me talking with visualization he said finding what you want to do let's say it's it's just a goal like you want to lose weight or you wanna fix your health in some way there's somebody out there on the plan for literally everything that someone else is already done and we did we had this entire conversation yesterday and but it just really drives home the point that that's I mean this we need to do and people are I think we found we as as humans largely for a many kind of read many reasons like social media and the internet and stuff but we've forgotten that like we're we're supposed to communicate with each other like we're social beings I mean and we want to help generally I don't want to assume that most people want to help you and and and it's hard to kind of get over that see people like talking about themselves you know like I and I had somebody that helps people yeah it you know also in job search it you know I think the best way to get a job is by networking and it's something that people feel really really awkward about and you know I just don't like okay first of all if you're approaching somebody to have a conversation do it with curiosity and gratitude and you don't approach somebody and say Hey do you have a job for me right your purchase them and say you know what you're doing looks really interesting I admire your company whatever it is something that's very genuine and you know just say I'd like to talk to you right and you just have like an open ended conversation about whatever you're interested in are curious about and you know what really was more of an objective of getting to know that person as a person and and learning about them and their perspective in their situation not about you know going for the kill like Hey you have a job for me because even if somebody didn't have a job good way to go about it right like you eat things happen through people right to build relationships so people know like and trust you and if an opportunity comes along that don't think like that Harrison we had such a great conversation I got to a glimpse of what he's about maybe he might be interested in that or he might know someone you know because we have a you know like working and jobs are things like anybody really for a lot of things anybody you could just another person can fill that position but people want to we're working with other humans right like so you want to be that's the important part and I think people can forget that I've definitely forgotten it and and it's it's easier because you get so focused on when you do figure out what the things are you value I want this so I'm gonna just focus on my time energy is this but just to go well like who who are the people that are making that happen who do I have to talk to yeah I like if you focus I've tried to do this my life recently as one cat talking to it because if you focus on the relationship with the person the other stuff will come right it'll it's the only way it can come you know because like and I I think that there's actually an interesting parallel between what we were talking about at school and also the way that you know a lot of people look for jobs through the job boards that will speak to ourselves like oh well that's the official formal way of getting a job is to go on to win a ten or two ND year one of the other job boards and you know like officially go through the online application process and all that kind of stuff you know that's just that's just the interface right there are people on the other side of that right and and dot you know a lot of times you can you can kind of circumvent those systems because there's a lot of issues which I won't go into all a lot around that but there's a lot of problems with those systems that you know the screen out qualified people and if you can somehow find somebody in the company that says oh yeah I know the hiring manager just forward your resume on to them a lot of times that gets to the hiring manager before something that comes through the system does because I have to go through layers in HR and all that kind of stuff but you know it's people hiring people to do jobs working with people it's all about people yeah I think it's a big thing that we forget it reminds me of I don't know the statistic maybe you do but like the percentage of of people hired through like applications like that and the person and people hired through relationships is like drastic do you know what I'm talking is there yes I do know what you're talking about and I've heard different statistics but it's something crazy like you know eighty percent of jobs are not listed and I will tell you as a hiring manager if I could find somebody who was a qualified candidate and be able to avoid it the you know rigmarole of red tape of going through my HR system I would to it I did always have to post the positions but I would be putting the word out on my network to say Hey do you know somebody that would be good for this role because hiring is risky and I've made some hiring mistakes in the past where people looked really good on paper and they interviewed well and they were a nightmare and then once you get somebody N. hard to you know let them go break because there's legal issues and that kind of thing and and it can really it can really mess things up it can really hurt the reputation of the department in the company of the person performing so if I I mean I've also hired people to work with really good people on my staff and other companies you know when I say Hey do you know anybody yeah somebody that I work with at my old company is looking for a job those are the best right because you know that person on my staff is not going to recommend them unless they they would feel comfortable working with them again and then if that person and it's all my staff is really good I can extrapolate that this other person is good too because most people don't want to associate with somebody who you know has drastically different views of what it you know good work ethic as yeah so interesting to hear you say that from from your past you know history and what you've done I mean you you were that you were the person that people are trying to you know the present you right and and and to hear that M. as somebody that was used to be in a position that usually it's it's about the relationships and I hear it all the time and networking is kind of like a buzz word a little bit you know in the world but whatever you wanna call it a let's just say building relationships I mean I don't that's what it is and I think that that that's actually a better way yeah I I can remember when I was you know probably in my twenties and you know was just raring to go I really wanted to move up the corporate ladder and I remember people saying like you should get a mentor and you you should you know network and I was like I I don't know how to do any of this right I mean I I don't know what networking and I or I kind of what I thought not working was was like going into a ballroom full of strangers with like trying to juggle my business cards a glass of wine and it's being or germs and be able to him my business card out and shake hands and have small talk right and I just felt so horrible and fake and you know very little actually comes out of those kind of networking events but you know this might my perspective on networking has shifted tremendously and you know I'll advise people that you know if you have a job right now get link Dan with every single person that you work with right now at your job because and people say well why because I see him every day Michael dell don't be a day when you don't see that you're going to go your way they're going to go their way and those people that you've worked with and know you are part of your network and they will help you in the future you know I'm actually working with a client right now I mean this is kind of crazy who is the nephew of somebody that I met at my first job when I was twenty two years old she she hired me to coach her and then you know like a year and a half later she called me and said you know my my brother's son is having you know I don't know he's having some issues with what comes next in his career and so I got introduced to the next year when I'm working with them right now you know it's it's like okay well you know did I know that you know thirty years later that somebody that was you know a twenty three year old in another department was going to send me this message now I didn't know that but I I kept in touch with just because we were friends you know she lives in a different city than I do now but and I've had that happen with some other business like for months you know people that I've worked with that other jobs have hired me and you know they didn't know that I would be doing us but we got to know each other you know and I think I mentioned a little earlier about the know like and trust factor that you know if you can allow yourself to be seen and you know you show up authentically so people can really know you and your consistence you do what you say you're gonna do that can you know that's how people learn to trust you you know I think that sometimes in the workplace we may say or say to ourselves that we have to show up in a different way than we really are and and are you coming I think all this is probably worked with somebody like that that they just don't quite seem authentic right because maybe they're playing a role and they're not allowing much of you know their true self to be seen and you know that that can really get in the way of you know people feeling good about that person and you know what as somebody who sees the the other side of that when I'm coaching someone you know a lot of times they do feel like they've got it done themselves I can't show up as I I truly am because somebody criticized or something like that but there's a cost to you know taking it to Mr I think it's really interesting you're talking about we're talking about networking and and getting to know people stuff but you don't you see you don't know what's gonna happen and I think that's the thing to focus on you don't know what's going to happen in the future so you're setting yourself up by doing this to me you're setting yourself up for he who knows what I mean you could end up working with Beyonce say for all we know right like absolutely you know there's you you prior to that you know what is it six degrees of Kevin bacon it does not take too long to connect yourself with pretty much anybody in the in the world right because you know you're gonna know somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody and you know the more that you open yourself up to having those kind of conversations more possibilities you have I I would love to share a couple of examples of where I've seen people you know start to accept that perhaps the thing they want is possible and how it happened so quickly would like to hear I love just I can't because I'm kind of in that position at the moment and and that I've had some we talk about that personal anyway does know what the I don't what it's called but that like Kevin bacon thing is it's basically like how many people are there between you and Kevin bacon it could be any celebrity or person but it's less people than you'd think is basically also and I love I love to hear this yeah so I have I I had a client that I worked with a two or three years ago and he worked for one of the big four accounting firms in the U. S. and these are these are huge companies you know they have hundreds of thousands of employees and you know they usually pay pretty well they they hire from the best business schools and stuff and yeah he became an accountant because dad he did know what he wanted to do when his dad was like what counting is a good profession so I became an accountant because he's smart not because he had a love for it and he was successful he was definitely one of those successful but not satisfied kind of people and when it came to me he was like you know I just I I feel like I'm more creative than not sent this kind of feel like I'm you know dying on the vine in this in this role and want something different and dark so he had been applying for jobs like start ups and stuff and personally I felt like that was probably gonna be like way way too far but we you know I don't think most like tiny little start ups are gonna hire somebody that comes from a big four just especially not true like the job boards and I said why don't you start R. one you start networking to start having conversations with people you know and just see it like very open ended conversations well his somebody in his network introduced him to somebody who is a partner in a regional accounting firm just a coffee there was no job on the table at all and as they were having the conversation I think that you know as he described it the partner's eyes were kind of getting wider and wider as they were having the conversation and by the time they finished with the coffee the partner suggested that my client join their farm and this is the reason why my client had worked in a a specialty area of accounting at the big accounting trump place and he didn't love it but he was an expert in that and this other farm did not have that specialty and they have been thinking about starting it up they also were top heavy and bottom heavy meaning that they had a lot of junior associates at the firm and they had a lot of like fifty year old partners and my client was in his early thirties so he could come in at that middle level and mentor that the junior guys they were going to allow him to get involved in all kinds of other things like business development starting up this accounting specialty mentoring even business development and this really appealed to him because he was like okay now finally I'm going to work and it's not going to be just like you know all day long working in this one area of accounting I had its opening up my whole world and so I just thought that was it I remember when he called me and told me this I was I was delighted I don't know that the stuff's gonna happen I don't know anything's gonna happen right but I think that there's gonna be possibilities when this happens and then the other example I have is someone who is a client and he he worked in marketing and he worked for a small digital marketing agency that was owned by a couple that we were having marital difficulties and so the agency was like not a comfortable place to work and so end it also describes background was a little bit unusual so he was very very talented but if you look at his resume he probably wasn't going to make it through the applicant tracking systems you probably get screened out because the unusual background but you know a fantastic guy I said okay looks looks like do a little bit of a three sixty look around yourself and say who knows you well and knows the kind of work that you do and he realized that one of the clients of the agency love them like they just absolutely loved him so he set up are you know just like a it I think it was during code so it was like in person copy but you know just a conversation with somebody and he just said I'm I'm starting to think about the next chapter of my career and I just wanted to chat with you about you know if you have any ideas or whatever and they were like you know what we're actually gonna be hiring and I think you'd be a great fit for the for the role and he ended up starting work there like three weeks later so I yeah I mean so we are surrounded by opportunities and you know pulling back the blinders starting to reach out and make connections and let our desires be known it doesn't have to be like you know Hey I need this right now it can just be like Hey if you you know if you hear of anything let me now or these are the kind of things I'm interested in you know what ideas might you have for me about you know how I might be able to achieve this you know people love to be needed as long as we're not needy you know it was that we allow it to be their choice to help us it you know dot that is a really beautiful way to begin a relationship with someone and I guess there's two car the arts here one is that even if you're sort of like a junior person and you're talking to somebody that's an executive or whatever that when you're not working always make it reciprocal meaning that ask ma'am is there anything I can do for you and I know that it's can be really awkward for you know somebody's in college and they're talking to a fifty year old executive it feels weird to ask that but you never know what somebody might need an artist an example could be that you could be at university at the same place that bad guys or girls daughter got into right and they might say well Hey would you mind having a a quick face time with my daughter to you know talk to her about what it's like going to school there right you just don't know where they could say like what's a good pizza place in your town I'm coming there next month and then not the there was another thought that I had about that I'm probably gonna okay I get so I get so caught up in my house okay it'll come to me it'll come to me Harris so good so great though I'd like to try to try to wrap her up here but I want to hear before we do that about your book and and then share with people where they can find you and all that kind of stuff because it's been an incredible conversation I'm sure people are gonna want to check out your stuff to be a talk about the book a book a little bit because I'd love to hear my book is called winning the game of work career happiness you success on your own terms and it really started out as a blog when I was getting ready to leave my job I was I was kind of like okay I was thinking back over all of the lessons that I've learned and you know I really wanted to do sort of like what my mentor had done in store you might be here my dog she's talking she's dreaming and barking at our site but I wanted to sort of pull back the curtain for people a little bit so that they could understand what was really going on around them at work so I told a lot of stories from my own career and I also interviewed a lot of people about their careers because a lot of times you can you know look at somebody who's successful and just assume that they sort of got on the escalator to success the minute they never you know gone into any pitfalls or anything like that and you know I came across a lot of people who were incredibly successful you had some you know have been fired multiple times had faced sexual discrimination and I found their stories really inspirational so wanted to share those and then I have exercises in the book to to help people start to you know discover their own values or get at what's holding them back so that they can start making progress towards our what what they'd like to do in their careers so it's a bit of a kind of a guide book to sort of start seeing work as the game that it is I am learning the rules so that you can start winning yeah I love that and and not not making it making it something enjoys you right along the along the way please so it's it it actually gets to be fun when you start figuring out how to have influence within the workplace yeah that my book is available worldwide on Amazon perfect yeah but all the all the links to everything that show notes and and how to contact you everything this is been wonderful thank you so much com you're welcome everybody thanks so much for listening in this fight absolutely made to the end congratulations and if you liked this episode you want to check out more of what Terry has to offer you can well you can check on her podcast if you want to go to the website you can find it on everything it's marketing mambo if you wanna go left its mark mamo dot net her book you can find her book all over right it's called winning the game of work crear happiness and success on your own terms define all over where you get books and that you could check out Terri on Instagram at hi underscore M. underscore coach underscore Terry I make fun of their she's that Terry B. McDougal linked in Facebook all over the place all the stuff can be down the show notes too and if you enjoy the podcast this episode but let's talk about life podcast you can give us a review that's a great podcast if you don't that's okay too I hope you have a wonderful rest of the day keep eleven lifepoint health letter for more information about this episode for the show itself headed over to hear some king official dot com there you'll be able to find the show notes transcriptions and videos for every episode sure to follow us on Instagram at let's talk about life now get out there and have a deep meaningful conversation in your own life which I would be next time
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S2 E24: The 3 Steps to Finding Your Purpose With Guest Joey Chandler
