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Guantanamo Baes

Guantanamo Baes

By Brian Bogart and Julian Goza

Brian and Julian are two first generation Cuban-American cousins who delve deep into the complex and often overlooked history and culture of Cuba. While bridging the gap between generations and continents, the Baes also share their take on modern news and pop culture through Julian's queer lens and Brian's cripplingly hetero point of view. There's a little something for everyone in this Cuban Cousin Kiki, so just hit play already!
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Los Problemistos

Guantanamo BaesMar 20, 2023

00:00
01:09:01
Poundin' Out Some Poke

Poundin' Out Some Poke

Cuba’s got an AirBnB problem, we learn why the left hand is the Devil’s Hand, and RuPaul will sell you a copy of Hitler's Mein Kampf below market value if you’ll let him.

Mar 20, 202451:27
Cali Sober Birthday

Cali Sober Birthday

The world's a minefield and we stepped on pretty much every one of them in this episode. All I know is we're both so excited to see what the Latin-influenced pagoda is going to look like at Cuba's new embassy in South Korea.

Mar 13, 202401:00:56
Two Birds, One Poker Chip

Two Birds, One Poker Chip

Get in the car, betch, it's our Jesus year! Brian gets a religious education, Julian spills some J-Lo tea, and Cuba may (or may not) be facing a cybersecurity attack. And it's still only February?

Feb 25, 202452:04
31 is a Millennial 18

31 is a Millennial 18

Julian breaks down the parallels between the Cuban Revolution and the movie Saltburn. ***Fair Warning: This episode contains gratuitous spoilers to the film Saltburn***

Feb 07, 202455:40
The Santerias Yearn for Capitalism

The Santerias Yearn for Capitalism

Are we able to manifest our own conspiracy theories? Is this turbulent decade simply the dawning of the Age of Aquarius? And will there always be a market for Victorian period pieces?

Jan 24, 202452:13
Bonus Episode: You But Better
Jan 15, 202434:31
Homo-geneous

Homo-geneous

Oh just hit play. The Baes are back and better than ever in 2024, what more could you possibly want?!

Jan 11, 202401:00:01
Livin' La Vida Rocha

Livin' La Vida Rocha

Brian and Julian examine the life of recently indicted diplomat-turned-informant (or informant-turned-diplomat?) Manuel Rocha. Also, our year-end review and Julian's top movies of 2023!

Dec 18, 202356:14
Wilde Still Slaps

Wilde Still Slaps

I'm selling out our decription this week to get y'all to come to our UCB show this Tuesday, 12/5 at 7 PM. Also, was Julian overly defensive during this week's World According to Jules? Or is it just me? Massive shout-out to Caroline Cotter by the way. We love y'all

Dec 04, 202357:11
Jacob Elordi's Stunning Handbags

Jacob Elordi's Stunning Handbags

Have we missed anything? Brian was in Egypt, Julian was in Texas, and we just wanted to make sure y'all are ok.

Nov 30, 202349:16
Football Psyops in America

Football Psyops in America

Are we the real pigs for declaring war on pigs? Is it gay to be homophobic? Also, Brian and Julian discuss a story in the NFL that isn't Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce.


Also, we hope to see you at our UCB show on 11/27 :)

Nov 02, 202348:30
¿Por qué no la paz?

¿Por qué no la paz?

Aye yai yai...it's the Israel/Palestine episode.

Oct 23, 202355:16
Careful with the Honey Dicks in Africa

Careful with the Honey Dicks in Africa

Is the US having a fun little coup moment cozying up to Cuba's burgeoning private sector? Is conceptual art officially over? And is it just us or is ever brunette these days calling themseles a "woman of color?"

Sep 25, 202354:08
I Won't Survive in the Slammy

I Won't Survive in the Slammy

The Baes are in the studio with one of our Bucharest Besties: actor, comedian, and writer Smaranda Luna, who explains why theater should be accessible to even the worst among us and why Drew Berrymore isn't as cute as she thinks she is.

Sep 18, 202301:00:30
The White Guilt Money Pit

The White Guilt Money Pit

How far is too far for a gender reveal party? Did the Great British Bake-Off bend their knee to the woke mob? Also, Julian repents for his false land recognition last week.

Sep 13, 202352:29
#NotAllPriests

#NotAllPriests

Can Cuba's crackdown on public dissent give us a fun little Da Vinci Code moment? Is there anti-penetrative messaging in the Peter Rabbit films? Was the Desperate Housewives Vanity Fair cover one of the most iconic images of the Bush era?

Sep 02, 202353:17
Your Libra Moon is on Full Display

Your Libra Moon is on Full Display

Are Austin an Palm Springs sister cities? Would you ever smuggle diet coke if it wasn't allowed overseas? Also, Brian and Julian playfully lose the thread again.

Aug 28, 202346:31
Fantastic Lady Quarters

Fantastic Lady Quarters

Has mainstream culture become too gay? Or has gay culture become too mainstream? Also, Julian is forced to talk about sports.

Aug 18, 202350:25
The Episode of a Thousand Julians

The Episode of a Thousand Julians

What does an emerging private sector mean for the people of Cuba? Are Sea Otters to surfers what Orcas are to billionaires? And Brian learns that some gay literature is not for the faint of heart.

Aug 02, 202357:08
More of a Face Plantain

More of a Face Plantain

Should Cubans be allowed to play Jews on Broadway? Who do you call when you want to divorce your ghost husband? Who wins in a beauty contest between Antony Blinken and Hunter Biden?

Jul 20, 202354:20
What is this Beautiful Quilt I'm Beholding?

What is this Beautiful Quilt I'm Beholding?

The Baes sit down with activist, Jordan David, to discuss his recent visit to Cuba as a queer delegate, why the mainstream adoption of Pride has all but erased its original mission, and why he does not find comparisons to Obama flattering (spoiler: war crimes).

Jun 29, 202301:06:52
I'm Sure the Locker Rooms Were Fun

I'm Sure the Locker Rooms Were Fun

Why is Cuba getting cozy with Russia again? We've been over this before! Also, we love big girls. Happy Pride.

Jun 14, 202349:43
JT Kelley: A Communist's Life

JT Kelley: A Communist's Life

Resident Bad Boy, JT Kelley (@godsfavoritecomedian), chats with us about his time in the Austin Communist chapter and why today his primary political philosophy is more vacation days.

Jun 06, 202301:08:48
Julian Wants to be a Mermaid

Julian Wants to be a Mermaid

Who understands the universe better between Stephen Hawking and Lana Del Rey? Is Elon Musk inadvertently bridging the gap between the US and Cuba? Oh yeah, and Julian wants to be a mermaid.

May 31, 202341:48
The Global Decoupling Episode

The Global Decoupling Episode

Who gets custody of Cuba in the International divorce between the East and West? Would Brian have had a longer career as a Go-Go Dancer if he had unionized? Is "The Bachelor" a Right-Wing Psy Op?

May 22, 202355:21
Meeting this Dark, Psychic Moment

Meeting this Dark, Psychic Moment

Should Charlize Theron be elected Queen of South Africa? Will SoulCycle re-emerge after the collapse of Peloton? Also, did you know Che Guevara was a homophobic murderer?

May 16, 202301:00:55
The Holy Ghost Awards

The Holy Ghost Awards

Has Tchaikovsky made you orgasm in public lately? Were you once a cat in turn of the century Paris in a past life? Should Julian just say 'the hell with it' and become a juicy character actress?

May 10, 202301:00:35
Come and Take my Eggs Benny at Drag Brunch, Bitch

Come and Take my Eggs Benny at Drag Brunch, Bitch

Has a charming bartender tried to sell you on Amway lately? Does Ben Afleck put on a telanovela voice when he speaks Spanish? And does anyone else feel kinda bad for the Christians living in LA?


Apr 17, 202346:34
Leopard Can Change its Gender but it Can't Change its Spots

Leopard Can Change its Gender but it Can't Change its Spots

Will Taylor Swift return to country music after her second presidential term? How many people did Pope Francis do the horizontal mambo with before he pledged his life to the cloth? And will this generation of aging ravers make good ear doctors?


¡Also, congratulations Dr. Jose Pablo Llongueras!

Apr 10, 202356:40
Fulfilling the Lana Del Rey Dream of Moving to the Midwest

Fulfilling the Lana Del Rey Dream of Moving to the Midwest

Does voter turnout rate matter if there's only one candidate? Is Gwyneth Paltrow a menace on the slopes? And have you unknowingly harassed a pod of dolphins?


Apr 03, 202354:05
Los Problemistos

Los Problemistos

Who's the most spank-able nepo-baby out there? Did Pedro Pascal discover the legal alternative to methamphetamine?  And did anyone else find the video of the Russian plane dumping fuel on the American drone strangely erotic?

Mar 20, 202301:09:01
Boy Meets Congress

Boy Meets Congress

Should anyone arrested for treason ever see the light of day again?  Would Julian move back to Cuba if they had a Gucci store? Should Corey  Matthews from Boy Meets World run for Congress?

Mar 13, 202357:32
You'd be a hell of a Wonk, bitch

You'd be a hell of a Wonk, bitch

Should we help children feel more welcome in prison? What do Pete Buttigieg and Taylor Swift have in common? Also, why all of us should  carry our cup the way Jonathan Majors does.

Mar 06, 202355:44
Angela Bassett did the Thing

Angela Bassett did the Thing

Why is Tekashi69 causing such a ruckus in Havana? Is the nickname  'Meatball Ron,' Trump's greatest contribution to American culture? And  why are Mormons so good at pyramid schemes?

Feb 27, 202353:09
Benders at the Ramada

Benders at the Ramada

Is Nintendo the gayest video game console? Also, Julian makes Brian listen to the new Lana Del Rey song.

Feb 20, 202359:55
What do you mean, "You People?"

What do you mean, "You People?"

Does Michael Imperioli have the softest lips in  Hollywood? If you don't have kids, should you make friends with people  who have guest houses? Is faking cancer ever worth it?

Feb 17, 202351:31
The Chinese Spy Balloon Episode

The Chinese Spy Balloon Episode

What's that silly ol' Xi Jinping up to with this balloon nonsense?  Will Elian Gonzalez be a fair and just leader of the Cuban people? Is  Zara Lawson justified in thinking people should be allowed to talk in  movie theaters?

Feb 13, 202347:21
To Kill a Hummingbird

To Kill a Hummingbird

Is it too early to start making Oscar predictions? How genuine is Spencer Pratt's hummingbird obsession?  Was Ted Lasso written by an AI to strengthen relations between the US and Europe to prepare for war with China?

Jan 30, 202356:06
Jinkies!

Jinkies!

Is Mindy Kaling's 'Velma' really a right-wing psy-op? Have  you been eating more cookies for breakfast in light of this egg  shortage? And should we open a club in WeHo and call it 'the Duchy of  Cornwall'?


Music by BridgerPrix

Jan 23, 202301:05:06
Eat, Gay, Love

Eat, Gay, Love

Julian is in the studio to talk about his trip to Egypt, the  unfortunate truth about Nepo-Babies (that they exist), and give his hot  takes on the latest news stories in a new segment we're calling "The  World According to Jules."

It's gonna be a great year, people!


Intro by BridgerPrix

Jan 09, 202350:36
EP.9 I, ArtBot

EP.9 I, ArtBot

Julian is back in the studio to go over his Top 10 list for the  year and discuss the terrifying implications of the AI Art craze.

Dec 13, 202249:12
Pop Culture Update w/ Julian Goza

Pop Culture Update w/ Julian Goza

Julian is back in the studio to spill the tea on the dust that has  yet to settle on Brangelina's separation. Also, mourning the loss of  Leslie Jordan, and where's the best place to get a massage with no  hanky-panky in LA.


Music by BridgerPrix

Nov 03, 202254:18
Thanks Obama w/ Neeraj Srinivasan

Thanks Obama w/ Neeraj Srinivasan

Neeraj Srinivasan ("100 Thousand Dollar Pyramid" and "Portlandia")  visits us from Portland to talk about TV's first portrayal of a Black  President, his evolving relationship with angst, and gives sound advice  on what to do when you win 100K in a game show hosted by Michael  Strahan.


Intro Music by BridgerPrix

Oct 27, 202201:00:00
Life Pivot w/ Jessica Burch

Life Pivot w/ Jessica Burch

Copywriter, designer, and old friend from high school,  Jessica Burch, is in LA on a business trip to learn about the technology  that is going to take your job one day. She also teaches us how we can  successfully change careers while juggling two kids and a mortgage.

Sorry  for the delay, everyone, I was out of town and was really sick for a  week when I got back but I'm feeling better now. Hope you like the new  theme music.

Intro music by BridgerPrix (find them on Instagram @bridgerprix) 

Oct 21, 202252:08
Emmy Review Spectacular with Quinn Lara

Emmy Review Spectacular with Quinn Lara

Big shot Hollywood man who works at the Starz Network, Quinn Lara,  stops by to justify the atrocities the world witnessed at the 2022  Emmys. Also, what exactly is racist's latest beef with Middle Earth and  King's Landing?


Sep 20, 202201:02:25
Don't Worry Darling

Don't Worry Darling

Brian's cousin, Julian Goza (Actor: "Barry") stops by the studio to talk about the infamous premiere weekend of the cursed thriller "Don't  Worry Darling," and together, we answer the age-old question: Did Harry  Styles spit on Chris Pine?

Also, does Sydney Sweeney deserve the backlash she's getting for her mother's MAGA themed birthday party?

Sep 13, 202253:30