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My Podcast is only being made because I no longer have a relationship with my son. It takes the place of our conversations and serves as a memorial, to him, to truth and to fighting the scourge of escapism, predation and bullshit in our drug infested culture.

How Could This Happen?

Aug 28, 2020

I use the podcast to process and create art that i know my son would approve of. 

We constantly shared work, music, fighting skills and life-strategies. It was amazing. I thought we were heading towards meaningful lives, but heroin use destroyed that.

I haven't really been able to recover. In some ways, on the outside, I function, my biological machinery still goes and I exercise a lot, eat well and honor my breath.  My heart that is still broken.

I watched an 11 second video of my son wrestling with his sister, 11 seconds of normalcy, beauty, connection and love. It brought me back to my feelings of rage, shame, sorrow and anger. 

I roll this question around in my mind all the time, "how can anyone take this drug?" knowing the obvious pitfalls.

I can't answer it. He knew better, he knew it was wrong on a primal level. Such wreckage is eternal.